Fitting In Part 1: Am I Liked?
Our Vulnerability to Each Other: We are consumed by opinions of us
David Alessio
7/14/20242 min read
Fitting In
Every day, the pressure to fit in can be overwhelming. We often spend a significant portion of our lives trying to mold ourselves into someone people will like. This constant effort leads--sooner for some--to a deep sense of fatigue, disappointment, and loneliness. We become tired of being tired, perpetually exhausting ourselves in the pursuit of acceptance and validation.
Desire to Be Liked
This personal quest for approval, so common for many of us, often begins early in life. From childhood, we are conditioned to seek the approval of parents, teachers, and peers. As we grow older, this need for validation does not diminish; it only transforms. We seek to be liked by family, friends, colleagues, social circles, and even strangers. This constant hunger and thirst, the striving for approval, though often satisfying for brief, illusive periods, is like emotional cotton candy: empty and never gratifying. No matter how much approval we receive, it is never sufficient and requires great amounts of energy digging, husking, panting for fulfillment.
Am I 'Good Enough'
Another aspect of this struggle is the concept of being 'good enough.' From the job interview, the first date, a performance review, or just being among a group of people, many of us feel the need to prove our worth to others, these worthless efforts often leading to poor assessments of ourselves. This often extends into spiritual realms, where individuals strive to be 'good enough' to gain entry into heaven or achieve a higher state of being. This relentless striving leads to a sense of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Get Off the Stage; Put down Your Shovel
The solution to this exhausting self-promotion--and it is self-promotion--comparable to a stage play starring you, or me...us acting out various parts to gain audience applause, lies not in more effective methods, schemes, or strategies, but in recognizing and embracing its imprudence. Concocting behaviors, mannerisms, vocabulary, and wardrobes to fit into societal molds, meet external expectations, and/or solicit approval affecting our assessment of self-worth, is a never-ending dirge, like digging ditches everyday just to acknowledge the hole.
Conclusion
It is time to let go of the tiring pursuit of fitting in, being liked, and proving our worth. Our worth is not determined by others' opinions. Where can we find rest and our true worth? Read Fitting In Part 2: Who Likes Me?