Understanding Self-Worth Through Faith: A Personal Journey

Introduction: The Weight of Others' Opinions

A Turning Point: Discovering God's Perspective

Embracing My Identity in Faith

Conclusion: Liberation Through Faith

For much of my life, I was gripped by the fear of the judgment of others. In elementary school I watched kids choose sides, mocking the "misfits" they chose to tease (often me), sometimes brutally. In middle school, I keenly observed the post-adolescent jockeying of fashion, and, like salmon rushing upstream, the nearly rabid clothing conformity to "fit in." I tried like crazy to fit in, pleading with my parents to buy the right coats, pants, shoes and accessories so I might, you got it, "fit in" . . . and be cool. I most often failed, only intensifying my anxiety as "cliques" formed around me, determining who was popular. In high school I watched social groups splinter around me. There were jocks, geeks, smokers (we called them "stoners"), "yuppies" (often the student body elected "smart" and "popular" kids), loners and so many others. I watched couples kiss passionately on campus, heard tales of sex experiments, froze in my tracks when two senior girls flirted with me, a sophomore, rendering a befuddled brain leading to the subsequent catatonic behavior when in their midst. The opinions of others often loomed large, overshadowing my own sense of self-worth. Each interaction became a source of anxiety, as I constantly wondered how I fit into the expectations of those around me. This pervasive nervousness shaped my existence, leading me to compromise my true self in a quest for acceptance. I can still see the students, hear their comments and prodding; the campuses I roamed, the social machinations surrounding me, as vibrant as a thousand beehives, full of energy and danger and sweet dripping honey promised within (at least within our minds) should we successfully navigate the violent stings threatening us at all times. Then comes graduation, college, graduate school, career, family, and on and on and on. I was perpetually, despite what many would call "success" on various levels, terrified, wondering when my flaws would be discovered and advertised, fearing the worst: social ostracization. In other words, confirming the loser misfit I always knew I was. As adults, we continue these social behaviors. The cars we drive. Like those in middle school, we often choose certain clothing otherwise ignored. The brands we choose. The hairstyle we adopt. The social circles we engage. The business card we flaunt. the degrees we cite.  I once heard a famous psychologist say that in all his years of education, training, and practice as a mental health expert, the single greatest tenet in the human psyche that leads to maturity, fulfillment, and happiness, or conversely, psychosis, clinical desperation and agitation, is "our vulnerability to each other," in other words: What People think of Us.

I'd like to say I woke up one fine morning and viola, I found myself no longer plagued by my obsession with the opinions of others as to my person. Or that through great effort (literature, strong will, diet, etc.) I successfully escaped the crippling grip of the assessment of others (involuntary or purposeful, benign or profusely antagonistic). But I can't. I spent many years jostling, reforming, reinventing, and pursuing tasks, projects, careers, and relationships to promote my value, many of which brought me what these same people would deem "success." Then why did I feel so perpetually inept, unworthy, and afraid? It wasn’t until I turned to God that I began to see things differently. I discovered the hard way, after many years, that while I was preoccupied with earthly opinions, I had neglected the most crucial relationship of all—my relationship with God. Understanding how God perceives me transformed my self-image, sense of security, and peace entirely.

The realization struck me: my self-worth is not determined by others, but rather by the Creator who made me, and the peace through His offer of eternal life in Jesus Christ by his work and death on the cross for me. The love and acceptance I sought from others were abundantly provided by God. There was--and is--no need to mold myself into someone for the approval of others; I could embrace the individual God created me to be. This newfound understanding initiated a profound shift in my attitude.

Recognizing and firmly embracing my identity in God allowed me to dismantle the insecurities that had held me captive for so long. I didn't need to seek approval from others to determine my self-worth. Scripture teaches that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). This powerful affirmation became a cornerstone of my faith. It reassured me that I was designed with purpose and that I have intrinsic value.

As I cultivated my relationship with God, I began to shift my focus from external human validation to external validation by God, not only having been created by Him, but also justified by Jesus' death on the cross, allowing me entrance into his eternal kingdom, heaven. I learned to quiet the critical voices that suggested I needed to fit into a particular mold. Instead, I embraced the idea that my uniqueness is a gift rather than a flaw. The more I leaned into my faith, the less I felt the weight of others' opinions (and let's not forget, the vast majority of these souls are seeking the same human validation I once did). I began to stand firm in my identity, finding strength in God’s unwavering love, justification through Jesus' death in my place, and ongoing involvement in my life on a daily basis. It is He to whom I answer, find my value, and entrust with my faith. I am reminded of this when I read Colossians 2:9-10: "In Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you are also complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority."

In conclusion, my original plight with fear of others' judgments, now replaced with the confidence rooted in my relationship with God has been life changing. It is a faithful promise and continual affirmation found in God's Word and his daily presence through the Holy Spirit that reminds me of the love bestowed upon me by my Creator. This has brought me both confidence and peace, that understanding that one’s self-worth through faith in Him is liberating. When I fully accept how God sees me and daily turn my life over to Him, I free myself from the burden of societal expectations. I invite and urge you who struggle with similar fears to turn their lives over to Christ, to explore and nurture their faith in him, allowing it to reshape their self-perception. Remember that your worth is not contingent on anyone else; it is defined by your relationship with God and the love He has for you.

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